Ky's Condition

I haven't been blogging for quite sometimes now. It's just that I don't have the mood to blog or the events in my life lately didn't warrant me to write.

Lately many people have been asking me about my wife, Ky's health condition. In fact last night (in the middle of the night when I was sleeping), a close friend of us, Dr. Nina called from Mekah asking about Ky's condition.

I felt heavy heart to tell you about Ky's condition. I usually want to write about good things happening in my life. But somehow or rather, this is not going to the usual goodies-goodies events but life threatening event.

Ky's condition have been going from bad to worst. As some of you might have known, she had breast cancer since May 2003. You figure out how long she had bee suffering from it. The notorious cancer cell had spread to her liver now. I'm not a doctor but from what I heard, once the liver malfunction, the rest of your body system will go haywire. That's what had happened to her.

Pass years had seen red spots all over her body. This will itchy effect on her body. It usually happened at night. I was told that its because of the skin reacted to the toxic in the body - when the liver can't process the body toxic.

But this is not the case now. Due to the deterioration and malfunction of liver, it now cannot process the body fluid. Thus there's water retention in the body. This resulted her legs and sometimes arm became swollen. Now her stomach became as big as 6 months pregnant. She had done "tapping" 5 times now and each time about 2 litres of fluid drained out in less than half-hour from her body.

With enlarged liver and water retention, it compressed other internal organs including her lungs - which means that she had difficulties in breathing. Not only that her body will experience further pain.

With the compressed stomach, she hardly can eat without much appetite. Even taking 2 spoonful of porridge or rice is a big challenge for her. Her weight now fell below the normal weight - I guess by 25%.

We had done our part. Beside going to see Oncologist (Cancer Specialist), she also went to see other alternatives medical practitioner which include Islamic medicine. She even went to see Datuk Harun Din (twice already) and she was given some "water" and some other herbals things to use.

Apart from that she had seen Dr. Anida also using Islamic way of treatments. Recently she had to soak in water filled "mountain salt' (garam bukit). But until recently when she can't sit in the tub, she can only rub the water onto her body.

Last night she told me that she felt that her body is weakening. Had for me to say but she felt that her time is coming nearer. Her concentration in prayers was also affected. She don't want to go into hospital again but want to rest at home. She told this to me when we were alone in the room - talking heart to heart.

So what do I feel about the whole thing. To tell you the truth, I had mixed feeling about this. I know one day her time will come especially when her condition is not getting better. I had seen her ups and downs when she suffer this for nearly 5 years. To me Allah had been kind enough to let us spent nearly 5 more years with her.

Meanwhile I told my children to spend every other minutes with her while they can. I know it hard to express in writing but as they say "Berat matamemandang, berat lagi bahu memikul" which is really true. I'm glad that siblings from both sides of family and close caring friends gave their utmost support to us. Now we rest this the utmost gracious and merciful Allah for him giving us strength for Ky and us to endure and get over his obstacles - for us to realise how small we are.

I will write from time to time if time permit to update you faithfull readers on Ky's condition.

Lost of a love one

One of our dearest friend, Petulia sent me a sms about 12.36 am, which I only open it up in the next morning. She told me that her dog, Bucky passed on after 2 days of being ill. She and her family just came back from Macau for a break after 3 years of no holidays.

So early in the morning I replied her sms giving my heartfelt condolence as she is grieving for her loss of a love one.

I didn't know how much Petulia & Peter love the dog. To me it was just another pet that I used to see once awhile when I was at their home. But it was more than that. She considered Bucky, as her baby daughter. Both Peter & Petulia didn't have any baby since they got married 10 years ago. And having Bucky would probably been a blessing to them. They gave Bucky love as if Bucky is their child.

And now with Bucky gone, Petulia was petrified and felt miserable. Probably we don't understand how she felt with this loss.

Petulia wrote an email to people close to her including us telling us how much she "felt loss" of Bucky. This what she wrote.

"Whether you believe it or not…I believe that she was so close to us that she can sense everything that happens around her…she was closest to Peter and I as she saw us grow in our relationship, get married and went thru everything with us for ten years!

We truly miss her so much…we feel like our hearts are broken and we lost our child."

I felt bad about it too. I didn't know how much she felt the loss until I read her email. For someone who were not blessed with a child, probably were blessed to have the love from a dog like Bucky.

To Petulia, my heartfelt condolence. I know we don't feel the loss as much as she felt, but we do know how it felt to loose someone that we loved so much.