Somebody asked me, what is my plan now? I reply with sacastic tone , "what plan?". "Ya lah Ky kan dah takde.". Well I have anticipate this sort of question will be asked and I'm prepared to give an answer.
"I will take care of my children on my own. I will now be their father and mother. Insyaallah with the helps of you guys, I can do it." I guess that answer will terminate any other further questions they have in mind.
Hmm.. to think of it, yes I will take care of my own children. Why should other people do it for me? I'm lucky to have the same Bibik for the last 16 years and she too can assist me taking care of my kids. Afterall she was the one who took care of them since they were born and was around to nurse them when both of us were working. I'm grateful that she is still with us seeing my kids from birth to teenager now.
The kids too have to adapt to this new environment without their mom. Ky used to bable a lot when the kids did what is not supposed to be done or didn't do what they are suppose to do - out of mothers love. She told the kids that "Mak buat ni sebab mak sayang kat awak semua". "Kalau mak tak sayang, mak buat tak tau aje". Being kids, opinion of parents don't really gets into their heads.
Now with mom not around, it left me to deal with them. Now I told them that there are big enough to think what is good and what is bad for them. They will have to face the consequences should they decide to do the wrong thing. And I will not help them if they get into trouble. (Cakap aje kan, tapi bila dah terjadi, kita lah orang pertama yang kena tolong dia orang. Kalau tidak sape lagi kan.)
So for now, you won't see any female character in my life except for my sisters, my sisters in law and probably my already good friends whom we have befriends while Ky was still around. Banyak lagi perkara nak difikirkan and getting another female character is not my priority right now.
Friday, January 18, 2008
Thursday, January 17, 2008
Thank You People
There are so many people that help me and arwah Ky when she was sick at home. There were too many people who came to visit her especially a week before she passed away. Allow me to pen down my heartfelt gratitude to these people - whom had made my difficulties lighter and whose visit had in one way or another gave some hope to us.
My sisters-in-law: Minah, Bi, Hindun, Ijah & Kak Imah. They practically have been camping in my house. They came in the morning and left late at night just to take care of their little sister, Ky. I'm blessed to have sisters-in-law like them who always been there even when I wasn't around to take care of Ky. They practically leave their family for a while to be around us. My brothers-in-law: Long and Abg Ad were there too almost everyday.
My brothers-out-law: Uncle Joe, Abg Leman, Abg Kahar who actually been there almost a week in my house - taking care of the grocery and being the host when I was too tired to layan all of them. My gratitude to Uncle Joe who made the funeral arrangement without hitch. And also those who went to the police station to report the death and got the burial permit. And to Amir who works in Kerteh but managed to be with us whenever he can. My sister-out-law : Kak Illah and Kak Long. Kak Long especially were there reading Yassin almost every other hour and be a Ky bedside. Kak Illah - she's also not well having cancer herself, but brave enough to be with us.
Note: I quote them as brothers and sisters-out-law (and we always agreed on this term). They are actually my "biras". So out-law is a better choice of word!
To all my sisters and brothers - who have understood my predicaments and treating Ky well. During Ky's illness it happened that one of my sister were hospitalised and they took turn to take care of my sister. To my mom who would always asked for Ky's wellbeing whenever I visited her. To her, Ky is her best daughter-in-law.
Dr. Felicia and Registered Nurse Faezah from Hospis Malaysia. Faezah especially would visit Ky regularly passed few months. They are specialised in palliative care - caring for terminally ill patients. They knew what the best medicines to prescribe Ky - including Morphine as pain killer. To me Dr. Felicia, besides being a doctor, she also knows how to counsel and talk nicely to patients and care-takers. (unfortunately there are Oncologist in the Govt. hospital, that I really believe need to take courses on how to deal/counsel with sick people - well that's another story). Faezah - I really respect her for her job. She'll be in our house -just a phone call away - eventhough she was on leave.
Ayu (Edayu) - to me she is an amazing girl. She knew how to take care of Ky. She had experience taking care of her mother who died of cancer as well. She even took care of her close friend also died of cancer (her friend was diagnosed of cancer while she was pregnant). Ayu too care of them althought she has work to go to. Ayu practically be with us whenever she can. She slept at my house (even on the floor) to take care of Ky. She knew how to give morphine injection when I, myself was a bit scared to do it. She changed and cleaned up Ky. She's so soft spoken and handle Ky so nicely.She reads Yassin when ever she can. My sisters-in-law by then had accepted her as one of our family members. I do not know how to repay her for what she has done for us. Only Allah know how to repay her kindness.
Rohana Mohktar- another lady that I can't repay her kindness. We knew her thru' our business. She also goes to Kelas Tafsir Quran and Mengaji with Ky. I know she always kept in touch with Ky especially when she knows Ky need someone to talk too. Rohana was there whenever she can leaving her husband and kids sometimes to be at my house - to read Yassin and pray for her. In one night, she reads Quran until 2.00 am in the morning. I was later infomred that she reads the Quran till 2.00 am because she can't be with us the next day due to some comittment. What a reason - I was astounded when I heard it.
Zul & Fathiah - we knew this couple more than 20 years. They are our upline diamonds in the business. Peter & Petulia - our downline Founders Platinum. They are practically like our own family. They were there almost everyday. Came in the morning and only leave past mid-nights. Always there asking me what they can do to help out. I later found out that they are they people who send messages to the rest of our uplines, downlines and crosslines - on Ky's situation. That's why I received hundreds of sms from everywhere.
Besides these close relatives and friends, there are people who were people including those friends from Ky's primary school, secondary school, our college mates in the Western Michigan University, Ky's military colleague, people from Damansara Specialist Hospital (where Ky used to work there for awhile), her kelas mengaji friends, our networkers friends and many more people who knew us.
My special gratitudes to:
Lt Kol Sabrina & Kol Hud (Nurulhuda) - they were Ky's close friends in the military. By the way, Ky is the first Pyschologist in the Malaysian army. Something that I'm proud of. She was the only Malaysian lady officer sent to Somalia during the war many years back. Thru' Lt Kol Sabrina & Kol Hud, many more army officers from Captain to the Generals (including the 1st Lady General) and even the Panglima Tentera Darat came to visit her. There are also army officers who doesn't know Ky personally but came because they had heard so much of Ky's contribution to the army. I was amazed and touched by their attendance. Later I that Ky had somehow had touched their hearts.
These army officers told me that should I need anything, just them know and they will come to assist us in the funeral arrangement. I reluctantly decline their offer because I felt that we could use our Surau's funeral arrangement. Afterall, we are in their Kariah.
My gratitude to DYTM Tengku Puan Pahang, Tengku Azizah Maimunah Sultan Iskandar, who came to visit Ky despite of her schedule. She was from Kuantan, Pahang on the way to the airport to Bangkok. She brought her 4 childrens together to visit Ky. She even had the time to read the Yassin for her. Of course she came with her entourage of out riders. She left after about half-an-hour with Ky. For that I respected her. She used to go to school together with Ky in SIGS Johore Bahru. The last time she saw her was at her wedding with Tengku Mahkota Pahang many years back but she still remembers Ky well.
Ezzah Aziz Fawzy of TV3 (Ky's school friend in SIGS) is also our long time friend. She was at our house as well. Ezzah was at our house to help receive Tengku Puan Pahang as she too knew her.
Not forgetting our neighbours especially Yuhanis & Zarina, Hamzah & Nora, Pak Abu & Kak Idah and many other whom I can't remember their names. I was surprise by their help and ever willing to help-attitude. All this while, it was just a "Hi" and "Apa khabar?" cliche whenever we meet while we were passing thru the street. But during that time, these are the people who arrange for the baca yassin with the people from the surau. They cooked for us and even arrange the meals at their respective houses. I'm blesse to be in this neighbourhood.
There are many countless other people who had been there for me and my family during our bereavement. Only Allah knows how to repay their kindness to me.
My sisters-in-law: Minah, Bi, Hindun, Ijah & Kak Imah. They practically have been camping in my house. They came in the morning and left late at night just to take care of their little sister, Ky. I'm blessed to have sisters-in-law like them who always been there even when I wasn't around to take care of Ky. They practically leave their family for a while to be around us. My brothers-in-law: Long and Abg Ad were there too almost everyday.
My brothers-out-law: Uncle Joe, Abg Leman, Abg Kahar who actually been there almost a week in my house - taking care of the grocery and being the host when I was too tired to layan all of them. My gratitude to Uncle Joe who made the funeral arrangement without hitch. And also those who went to the police station to report the death and got the burial permit. And to Amir who works in Kerteh but managed to be with us whenever he can. My sister-out-law : Kak Illah and Kak Long. Kak Long especially were there reading Yassin almost every other hour and be a Ky bedside. Kak Illah - she's also not well having cancer herself, but brave enough to be with us.
Note: I quote them as brothers and sisters-out-law (and we always agreed on this term). They are actually my "biras". So out-law is a better choice of word!
To all my sisters and brothers - who have understood my predicaments and treating Ky well. During Ky's illness it happened that one of my sister were hospitalised and they took turn to take care of my sister. To my mom who would always asked for Ky's wellbeing whenever I visited her. To her, Ky is her best daughter-in-law.
Dr. Felicia and Registered Nurse Faezah from Hospis Malaysia. Faezah especially would visit Ky regularly passed few months. They are specialised in palliative care - caring for terminally ill patients. They knew what the best medicines to prescribe Ky - including Morphine as pain killer. To me Dr. Felicia, besides being a doctor, she also knows how to counsel and talk nicely to patients and care-takers. (unfortunately there are Oncologist in the Govt. hospital, that I really believe need to take courses on how to deal/counsel with sick people - well that's another story). Faezah - I really respect her for her job. She'll be in our house -just a phone call away - eventhough she was on leave.
Ayu (Edayu) - to me she is an amazing girl. She knew how to take care of Ky. She had experience taking care of her mother who died of cancer as well. She even took care of her close friend also died of cancer (her friend was diagnosed of cancer while she was pregnant). Ayu too care of them althought she has work to go to. Ayu practically be with us whenever she can. She slept at my house (even on the floor) to take care of Ky. She knew how to give morphine injection when I, myself was a bit scared to do it. She changed and cleaned up Ky. She's so soft spoken and handle Ky so nicely.She reads Yassin when ever she can. My sisters-in-law by then had accepted her as one of our family members. I do not know how to repay her for what she has done for us. Only Allah know how to repay her kindness.
Rohana Mohktar- another lady that I can't repay her kindness. We knew her thru' our business. She also goes to Kelas Tafsir Quran and Mengaji with Ky. I know she always kept in touch with Ky especially when she knows Ky need someone to talk too. Rohana was there whenever she can leaving her husband and kids sometimes to be at my house - to read Yassin and pray for her. In one night, she reads Quran until 2.00 am in the morning. I was later infomred that she reads the Quran till 2.00 am because she can't be with us the next day due to some comittment. What a reason - I was astounded when I heard it.
Zul & Fathiah - we knew this couple more than 20 years. They are our upline diamonds in the business. Peter & Petulia - our downline Founders Platinum. They are practically like our own family. They were there almost everyday. Came in the morning and only leave past mid-nights. Always there asking me what they can do to help out. I later found out that they are they people who send messages to the rest of our uplines, downlines and crosslines - on Ky's situation. That's why I received hundreds of sms from everywhere.
Besides these close relatives and friends, there are people who were people including those friends from Ky's primary school, secondary school, our college mates in the Western Michigan University, Ky's military colleague, people from Damansara Specialist Hospital (where Ky used to work there for awhile), her kelas mengaji friends, our networkers friends and many more people who knew us.
My special gratitudes to:
Lt Kol Sabrina & Kol Hud (Nurulhuda) - they were Ky's close friends in the military. By the way, Ky is the first Pyschologist in the Malaysian army. Something that I'm proud of. She was the only Malaysian lady officer sent to Somalia during the war many years back. Thru' Lt Kol Sabrina & Kol Hud, many more army officers from Captain to the Generals (including the 1st Lady General) and even the Panglima Tentera Darat came to visit her. There are also army officers who doesn't know Ky personally but came because they had heard so much of Ky's contribution to the army. I was amazed and touched by their attendance. Later I that Ky had somehow had touched their hearts.
These army officers told me that should I need anything, just them know and they will come to assist us in the funeral arrangement. I reluctantly decline their offer because I felt that we could use our Surau's funeral arrangement. Afterall, we are in their Kariah.
My gratitude to DYTM Tengku Puan Pahang, Tengku Azizah Maimunah Sultan Iskandar, who came to visit Ky despite of her schedule. She was from Kuantan, Pahang on the way to the airport to Bangkok. She brought her 4 childrens together to visit Ky. She even had the time to read the Yassin for her. Of course she came with her entourage of out riders. She left after about half-an-hour with Ky. For that I respected her. She used to go to school together with Ky in SIGS Johore Bahru. The last time she saw her was at her wedding with Tengku Mahkota Pahang many years back but she still remembers Ky well.
Ezzah Aziz Fawzy of TV3 (Ky's school friend in SIGS) is also our long time friend. She was at our house as well. Ezzah was at our house to help receive Tengku Puan Pahang as she too knew her.
Not forgetting our neighbours especially Yuhanis & Zarina, Hamzah & Nora, Pak Abu & Kak Idah and many other whom I can't remember their names. I was surprise by their help and ever willing to help-attitude. All this while, it was just a "Hi" and "Apa khabar?" cliche whenever we meet while we were passing thru the street. But during that time, these are the people who arrange for the baca yassin with the people from the surau. They cooked for us and even arrange the meals at their respective houses. I'm blesse to be in this neighbourhood.
There are many countless other people who had been there for me and my family during our bereavement. Only Allah knows how to repay their kindness to me.
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Mimi mimpi mak
Since the day Ky passed away, we never failed to read Yassin for her. Either in groups or within just us family members.
So yesterday, after Maghrib prayers, after my kids and I sembahyang berjemaah, we started to read the Yassin.
Mimi sat down with me and told me; "Ayah semalam Mimi mimpi mak." That's was the second time she told me she dreamt of her mom. The first time was a couple of days after Ky's passing.
So I asked her; "Mak macamana?". Now my boys start to listen to their kid sister. "Muka mak lawa sangat. Mak pakai telekung putih berkilat-kilat macam ada banyak diamond". My reaction was ; "Iya ka? Apa mak kata lagi?" "Mak kata tiap-tiap malam mak datang cium anak-anak dia. Mak ikut abang-abang pergi mana-mana."
"Tempat mak macamana?" My curiosity developed further. "Mak kat taman yang cantik sangat. Susah Mimi nak cakap." She reply.
So I told Mimi and the rest of my boys, "kalau sayang emak sedekahkan mak Al Fatihah. Sebab itu kita kena bacakan Yassin untuk mak ok.Nanti kalau ayah pulak takde, buat jugak untuk ayah pulak ok."
(Along now 17, now waiting for his (Alhamdullilah we finished reading the Yassin. I'm glad that my boys AizuddinSPM result), Aizat (Angah 15 form 4) and AdibAcik just turned 12 now in Form 1) can read Quran fluently. So reading Yassin is no problem for them. As for Mimi, she just sat besides me listening us reading the Yassin because she have not Khatam quran yet and not as fluent.
So yesterday, after Maghrib prayers, after my kids and I sembahyang berjemaah, we started to read the Yassin.
Mimi sat down with me and told me; "Ayah semalam Mimi mimpi mak." That's was the second time she told me she dreamt of her mom. The first time was a couple of days after Ky's passing.
So I asked her; "Mak macamana?". Now my boys start to listen to their kid sister. "Muka mak lawa sangat. Mak pakai telekung putih berkilat-kilat macam ada banyak diamond". My reaction was ; "Iya ka? Apa mak kata lagi?" "Mak kata tiap-tiap malam mak datang cium anak-anak dia. Mak ikut abang-abang pergi mana-mana."
"Tempat mak macamana?" My curiosity developed further. "Mak kat taman yang cantik sangat. Susah Mimi nak cakap." She reply.
So I told Mimi and the rest of my boys, "kalau sayang emak sedekahkan mak Al Fatihah. Sebab itu kita kena bacakan Yassin untuk mak ok.Nanti kalau ayah pulak takde, buat jugak untuk ayah pulak ok."
(Along now 17, now waiting for his (Alhamdullilah we finished reading the Yassin. I'm glad that my boys AizuddinSPM result), Aizat (Angah 15 form 4) and AdibAcik just turned 12 now in Form 1) can read Quran fluently. So reading Yassin is no problem for them. As for Mimi, she just sat besides me listening us reading the Yassin because she have not Khatam quran yet and not as fluent.
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Takziah and Condolences
From now onwards, I'll try to write on things related to the events when Ky passed away.
I received lots of condolences personally from individuals who attended the funerals and also sms I received from all over. On Saturday itself, I've received almost hundreds of smses but I didn't retrieve them until the next day when I was a bit free.
Below are some of the smses that I received and I have kept. For rememberance sake, I write them down here and then I can delete it from my HP. The inbox is already full and have no more space for incoming smses. Some of these people I had not known personnaly but they knew us in some places and functions. These will be part of my memories and something that I can ponder on.
Dear Azam, Please accept our sincere condolence for the loss of Rokiah. Her beautiful spirits will always live in our hearts. Ivan & Cassandra (Singapore)
Salam Azam. Roslan here. Just heard from Fathiah & Rohana. Dina & I offer our condolences. Sabar banyak2 and be strong my friends especially for your kids. If there is any consolation, she has has gone to meet our creator, Allah s.a.w. Moga2 roh arwah di cucuri rahmat dan diletakkan di kalangan solehin. Amin. Roslan (Kota Kinabalu)
Hi Azam. We are sorry to hear Rokiah has left us. She'll be in good hands. Do take care yourself and your children and be strong. They need you more now. Our sincere condolences to you and your family. Cliff & Shirley (Singapore)
Azam. Fathiah just informed us of Ky's passing. Our deepest condolences to you and your family. Ky was a wonderful role model and she'll always lives in our hearts. Love and light. Brigid & Wan Zainal (Singapore)
Takziah dari kami sekeluarga. Kami turut bersedih bersama kamu, harap kamu bersabar dan redha dankami berdoa semoga Allah memberi rahmat keatas roh nya. Abg De (Labuan)
We are sorry to hear about your loss. Regards. Kumar & Janet (Singapore)
Salam En Azam. Takziah dari Hairi sekeluarga. Moga rohnya dicucuri rahmat. Amin. Hairi (my staff Proton Shah Alam)
Takziah dari kami sekeluarga. Semoga Allah mencucuri rahmatnya. Azlan Husen (ex-colleague Kajang)
Assalamualaikum Azam. Salam takziah kepada keluarga Allahyarhamah Rokiah atas pemergiannya yg tak diduga. Semoga rohnya dicucuri rahmat subhannallahtaalah. Hassan & Liza (Singapore)
My Takziah to Azam & your kids for the loss of a wife and a mother. I will always remember Ky as the most positive, bright, energetic and can-do person. That's why Ky with the blessed of Allah lasted this long. She is with Allah now and let's pray for her. Ashraf & family.
Assalamulaikum. Takziah & harap bersabar. Azman Md Nor (PPC Proton)
Please accept my deepest condolence for your great loss of your wife Ky. Semoga roh Ky dicucuri rahmat. Let me know if I can help you in any way.Al Fathihah. Sam (old friend)
Our deepest symphaties & heartfelt condolences to you & your family. May her soul rest in peace. Joan & Jerry (Kota Kinabalu)
Takziah dari saya dan Keluarga serta seluruh pegawai dan anggota tentera. Doa kami mengiringi beliau. Banyak bersabar dan tenang. Saya tak hadir kerana sekarang berada diluar kena siapkan tugas nak kena submit monday. Maaf. Mejar Zainal (Ky's ex-military colleague)
I'm saddened by the news. Be tough my friend. Andak Kamarulzaman (my best friend).
Takziah. Wak Zamani
Hi Azam. Our condolences to you and your family for the loss of your wife. She has been an inspiration to us. David & Rhu Min (Singapore)
Takziah. Semoga roh Ky dicucuri rajmat Allah. Banyakkan doa dan bersabar. Alfatihah. Azivik
Azam. My deepest condolences to you and family on Ky's passing. Oy Len
Hi Azam. We are thinking of you and family during this difficult time. Take care and God bless you. May you find peace. You and Ky are very special to us. Regards. Chin Kuan & Terry (Subang Jaya)
Our condolences on demise of your beloved wife Rokiah. God blkess her soul. Patricia Don Chowdhurie (Singapore)
Innalillahi wa-innailahi raajiun. Takziah dari kami sekeluarga. Al Fatihah. Tifli (my ex-boss) (Shah Alam)
Assalamualaikum Azam. Salam takziah diatas pemergian Allahyarhamah Rokiah. Kami berdoa agar rohnya berada dikalangan solihin. Salam dari Ramzi, Kuyah & famili.(This couple went to Umrah together with us)
Takziah semoga rohnya di redhai Allah. Noh (Proton)
Hi Azam. Takziah from both of us. So sorry to hear about it. Kami doakan semoga roh allahyarhamah dirahmati Allah sentiasa. Dari Marsitah & Mazufi (ex-officemate)
Sorry to hear the sad news. My deepest condolence to you and your family. My thought are with you although I am not there with you. Al Fatihah. Wan Faridah (current officemate)
Moga dia ditempatkan di kalangan orang yang soleh. Amin. Ezzah Aziz Fawzy (TV3) (Ky's ex-schoolmate and also close friend)
Dear Azam. Ucapan takziah kepada saudara sekeluarga atas permergian isteri tersayang. Moga rohnya dicucuri rahmat Allah s.w.t. Ikhlas dari Zaid (MD's office)
Azam. Takziah atas kembalinya isteri kerahmahtullah. Allahyang maha penyayang. Kita doakan kebaikan semuanya. Datuk Maruan (ex-boss)
Salam Azam. Takziah atas pemerghian wife you. Semoga rohnya dicucuri rahmat dan bersama-sama dengan para shuhadah. Amin. Norbi (ICT Proton)
Assalamulaikum. Takziah atas kembalinya ke rahmahtullah isteri tuan. Semoga di rahmati Allah dan beserta orang yang solehah. Amin. Khari & keluarga
May we offer our deepest condolences to you and your family. We share your sorrow. James & Mary (Johor Bharu)
Saya ucapkan takziah semoga rohnya didalam golongan solehah. Saya masih teringat sewaktu umrah bersama. Maaf tak dapat ziarah malam ni. Norhalim Sirome (Proton)
Innalillah wainna illahi rojiun. Semoga Allah menempatkan rohnya bersama para shuhadah dan solehin. Take care. Amir & Sherilla (Subang Jaya)
Takziah bos. Maaf tak dapat hadir. Masih di Pahang. Insyaallha saya singgah esok. En Haris & kawan-kawan lain kirim salam. Azlee (ex-office colleage).
Just heard the news about Ky. Innalillah wainna illahi rojiun. You have done the best you could for her. Wan Nadzri (Proton)
Dear Azam. We are deeply sorry to hear about Rokiah's passing. She was a lovely person who touched so many lives. We miss her already. We'llhold you and family our thoughts and prayers. Please accept our deepest sympathy. Farouk & Melati
Takziah diucapkan dan semoga beliau ditempatkan dikalangan orang yang beriman. Alfatihah. Asri & keluarga (Proton Edar)
Azam. I nak ucapkan takziah. Semoga roh arwah di cucuri rahmat dan tempatkan dikalangan orang soleh. Sabar. Aznan (Penang)
My condolence to you and your family. Kamarul (PJ)
Sorry to hear about Rokiah. May she be with all the saint and blessed by God. We trust that you and family are in great health and peace. Love. Yap and Feng Ling (Sabah)
Dear Azam. Deepest condolence. Millan Leong (Terry's father) (Taiping)
Takziah diucapkan diatas pemergian allahyarhamah Ky. Semoga roh allahyarhamah dicucuri rahmatnya. Insyaallah. Syed Hamid & Sharifah Talha.
Shah & I ucap takziah. Nik Aliena (ex-colleague)
The good Lord always knows what is best for us. May he give you and your loved ones the strength to bear this loss. My heartfelt condolences. Helen Mirandah (Johor Bahru)
Innalillah wainna illahi rojiun. Semoga rohnya ditempatkan bersama-sama orang yang soleh. Anonymous.
Assalamualaikum. Takziah diatas pemergian orang tersayang kerahmahtullah. Semoga rohnya ditempatkan bersama-sama orang yang beriman. Padzil (CBU Logistic Proton)
Innalillahwainna illahirajiun. Semoga rohnya ditempatkan bersama-sama orang yang solehah. Ajie & suami (ex-colleague and blogger)
Assalamualaikum. Semoga abang Azam dan sekeluarga tabah menerima ujian yang besar dari Allah. Saya doakan semoga roh Allahyarhamah Puan Rokiah tergolong orang-orang yang beriman. Amin. Ustaz Habib (ustaz who used to teach my children Al-Quran) (Melaka)
Assalamualaikum Azam. Takziah saya ucapkan. Semoga rohnya diberkati Allah. Johari Ismail (GM PPC, Proton)
Just heard the sad news. Ucapkan takziah kepada saudara Azam dan keluarga. Semoga tabah dan kuat semangat. Al Fathihah. Laila (CPD Proton)
Azam. My Condolences. Sha & Lina
Dearest Azam. Please accept our deepest condolences on the passing of Rokiah. She wil be missed by all those whom she has touched. George & Belinda (Kota Kinabalu)
Our deepest condolence to you and family on the demise of your dear wife Kiky.Gone but not forgetten. Semoga rohnya dicucuri rahmat dan ditempatkan bersama-sama orang yang beriman. Letifah Hj Fathi (WMU Alumni) (Kucing Sarawak)
My deepest sympathies and hearfelt condolences to you on the demise of your beloved wife. Danny Lim Toh (Sabah)
Azam. Salam takziah. Semoga roh Kiky dicucuri rahmat dan ditempatkan bersama-sama orang yang beriman. And may you face this challenge with strength and courage. Lina Atan (WMU Alumni)
En Azam. Takziah dan bersabarlah. Sesungguhnya Allah itu maha mengetahui. Semoga roh nya dicucuri rahmat. Shukri Omar ( PC KD - Proton)
Our deepest sympathies and hearfelt condolences for the bereavement of your dearest wife. May her soul rest in peace. Richard and Mag (Kota Kinabalu)
Assalamualaikum and my deepest condolence to you and familyon Cu's sudden demise. My apology for not being able to come back to KL to visit. Khairy and family (nephew - Kuala Terengganu)
Our condolence. She is my good friend and help me a lot. Al Fatihah. Lt. Kol Kenali (ex-army colleague - Johor Bahru)
Salam. Al Fatihah. En Azam. Takziah dari Kak Tim and family. Redhakan pemergiannya. Allah menyayanginya. Mejar (B) Fatimah. (ex-army colleague)
There is nothing for anyone to pay back. Else we need accountants to keep debts of love etc. Love was always unconditional as Keng Seng received from many too. Ky gave unconditionally even when she was scared. Our spirits met last Saturday and yesterday. She is lovely and so are you. Take time to love yourself and kids. That is so important now. Li Choo (one of Ky's close friend who had been keeping in touch with her)
The above are amongst the messages I received during and after Ky's passing. I couldn't help but tears flow when I read these messages from everywhere. I stood back and thought that these people who have send me condolence messages are people who care for us. These are the people whose lives have would have been touched by Ky in one way or another. If not, I don't think that they would think of us or even if they knew of Ky's passing, they wouldn't care anyway. I guess my wife, Ky had touched many people's lives.
I received lots of condolences personally from individuals who attended the funerals and also sms I received from all over. On Saturday itself, I've received almost hundreds of smses but I didn't retrieve them until the next day when I was a bit free.
Below are some of the smses that I received and I have kept. For rememberance sake, I write them down here and then I can delete it from my HP. The inbox is already full and have no more space for incoming smses. Some of these people I had not known personnaly but they knew us in some places and functions. These will be part of my memories and something that I can ponder on.
Dear Azam, Please accept our sincere condolence for the loss of Rokiah. Her beautiful spirits will always live in our hearts. Ivan & Cassandra (Singapore)
Salam Azam. Roslan here. Just heard from Fathiah & Rohana. Dina & I offer our condolences. Sabar banyak2 and be strong my friends especially for your kids. If there is any consolation, she has has gone to meet our creator, Allah s.a.w. Moga2 roh arwah di cucuri rahmat dan diletakkan di kalangan solehin. Amin. Roslan (Kota Kinabalu)
Hi Azam. We are sorry to hear Rokiah has left us. She'll be in good hands. Do take care yourself and your children and be strong. They need you more now. Our sincere condolences to you and your family. Cliff & Shirley (Singapore)
Azam. Fathiah just informed us of Ky's passing. Our deepest condolences to you and your family. Ky was a wonderful role model and she'll always lives in our hearts. Love and light. Brigid & Wan Zainal (Singapore)
Takziah dari kami sekeluarga. Kami turut bersedih bersama kamu, harap kamu bersabar dan redha dankami berdoa semoga Allah memberi rahmat keatas roh nya. Abg De (Labuan)
We are sorry to hear about your loss. Regards. Kumar & Janet (Singapore)
Salam En Azam. Takziah dari Hairi sekeluarga. Moga rohnya dicucuri rahmat. Amin. Hairi (my staff Proton Shah Alam)
Takziah dari kami sekeluarga. Semoga Allah mencucuri rahmatnya. Azlan Husen (ex-colleague Kajang)
Assalamualaikum Azam. Salam takziah kepada keluarga Allahyarhamah Rokiah atas pemergiannya yg tak diduga. Semoga rohnya dicucuri rahmat subhannallahtaalah. Hassan & Liza (Singapore)
My Takziah to Azam & your kids for the loss of a wife and a mother. I will always remember Ky as the most positive, bright, energetic and can-do person. That's why Ky with the blessed of Allah lasted this long. She is with Allah now and let's pray for her. Ashraf & family.
Assalamulaikum. Takziah & harap bersabar. Azman Md Nor (PPC Proton)
Please accept my deepest condolence for your great loss of your wife Ky. Semoga roh Ky dicucuri rahmat. Let me know if I can help you in any way.Al Fathihah. Sam (old friend)
Our deepest symphaties & heartfelt condolences to you & your family. May her soul rest in peace. Joan & Jerry (Kota Kinabalu)
Takziah dari saya dan Keluarga serta seluruh pegawai dan anggota tentera. Doa kami mengiringi beliau. Banyak bersabar dan tenang. Saya tak hadir kerana sekarang berada diluar kena siapkan tugas nak kena submit monday. Maaf. Mejar Zainal (Ky's ex-military colleague)
I'm saddened by the news. Be tough my friend. Andak Kamarulzaman (my best friend).
Takziah. Wak Zamani
Hi Azam. Our condolences to you and your family for the loss of your wife. She has been an inspiration to us. David & Rhu Min (Singapore)
Takziah. Semoga roh Ky dicucuri rajmat Allah. Banyakkan doa dan bersabar. Alfatihah. Azivik
Azam. My deepest condolences to you and family on Ky's passing. Oy Len
Hi Azam. We are thinking of you and family during this difficult time. Take care and God bless you. May you find peace. You and Ky are very special to us. Regards. Chin Kuan & Terry (Subang Jaya)
Our condolences on demise of your beloved wife Rokiah. God blkess her soul. Patricia Don Chowdhurie (Singapore)
Innalillahi wa-innailahi raajiun. Takziah dari kami sekeluarga. Al Fatihah. Tifli (my ex-boss) (Shah Alam)
Assalamualaikum Azam. Salam takziah diatas pemergian Allahyarhamah Rokiah. Kami berdoa agar rohnya berada dikalangan solihin. Salam dari Ramzi, Kuyah & famili.(This couple went to Umrah together with us)
Takziah semoga rohnya di redhai Allah. Noh (Proton)
Hi Azam. Takziah from both of us. So sorry to hear about it. Kami doakan semoga roh allahyarhamah dirahmati Allah sentiasa. Dari Marsitah & Mazufi (ex-officemate)
Sorry to hear the sad news. My deepest condolence to you and your family. My thought are with you although I am not there with you. Al Fatihah. Wan Faridah (current officemate)
Moga dia ditempatkan di kalangan orang yang soleh. Amin. Ezzah Aziz Fawzy (TV3) (Ky's ex-schoolmate and also close friend)
Dear Azam. Ucapan takziah kepada saudara sekeluarga atas permergian isteri tersayang. Moga rohnya dicucuri rahmat Allah s.w.t. Ikhlas dari Zaid (MD's office)
Azam. Takziah atas kembalinya isteri kerahmahtullah. Allahyang maha penyayang. Kita doakan kebaikan semuanya. Datuk Maruan (ex-boss)
Salam Azam. Takziah atas pemerghian wife you. Semoga rohnya dicucuri rahmat dan bersama-sama dengan para shuhadah. Amin. Norbi (ICT Proton)
Assalamulaikum. Takziah atas kembalinya ke rahmahtullah isteri tuan. Semoga di rahmati Allah dan beserta orang yang solehah. Amin. Khari & keluarga
May we offer our deepest condolences to you and your family. We share your sorrow. James & Mary (Johor Bharu)
Saya ucapkan takziah semoga rohnya didalam golongan solehah. Saya masih teringat sewaktu umrah bersama. Maaf tak dapat ziarah malam ni. Norhalim Sirome (Proton)
Innalillah wainna illahi rojiun. Semoga Allah menempatkan rohnya bersama para shuhadah dan solehin. Take care. Amir & Sherilla (Subang Jaya)
Takziah bos. Maaf tak dapat hadir. Masih di Pahang. Insyaallha saya singgah esok. En Haris & kawan-kawan lain kirim salam. Azlee (ex-office colleage).
Just heard the news about Ky. Innalillah wainna illahi rojiun. You have done the best you could for her. Wan Nadzri (Proton)
Dear Azam. We are deeply sorry to hear about Rokiah's passing. She was a lovely person who touched so many lives. We miss her already. We'llhold you and family our thoughts and prayers. Please accept our deepest sympathy. Farouk & Melati
Takziah diucapkan dan semoga beliau ditempatkan dikalangan orang yang beriman. Alfatihah. Asri & keluarga (Proton Edar)
Azam. I nak ucapkan takziah. Semoga roh arwah di cucuri rahmat dan tempatkan dikalangan orang soleh. Sabar. Aznan (Penang)
My condolence to you and your family. Kamarul (PJ)
Sorry to hear about Rokiah. May she be with all the saint and blessed by God. We trust that you and family are in great health and peace. Love. Yap and Feng Ling (Sabah)
Dear Azam. Deepest condolence. Millan Leong (Terry's father) (Taiping)
Takziah diucapkan diatas pemergian allahyarhamah Ky. Semoga roh allahyarhamah dicucuri rahmatnya. Insyaallah. Syed Hamid & Sharifah Talha.
Shah & I ucap takziah. Nik Aliena (ex-colleague)
The good Lord always knows what is best for us. May he give you and your loved ones the strength to bear this loss. My heartfelt condolences. Helen Mirandah (Johor Bahru)
Innalillah wainna illahi rojiun. Semoga rohnya ditempatkan bersama-sama orang yang soleh. Anonymous.
Assalamualaikum. Takziah diatas pemergian orang tersayang kerahmahtullah. Semoga rohnya ditempatkan bersama-sama orang yang beriman. Padzil (CBU Logistic Proton)
Innalillahwainna illahirajiun. Semoga rohnya ditempatkan bersama-sama orang yang solehah. Ajie & suami (ex-colleague and blogger)
Assalamualaikum. Semoga abang Azam dan sekeluarga tabah menerima ujian yang besar dari Allah. Saya doakan semoga roh Allahyarhamah Puan Rokiah tergolong orang-orang yang beriman. Amin. Ustaz Habib (ustaz who used to teach my children Al-Quran) (Melaka)
Assalamualaikum Azam. Takziah saya ucapkan. Semoga rohnya diberkati Allah. Johari Ismail (GM PPC, Proton)
Just heard the sad news. Ucapkan takziah kepada saudara Azam dan keluarga. Semoga tabah dan kuat semangat. Al Fathihah. Laila (CPD Proton)
Azam. My Condolences. Sha & Lina
Dearest Azam. Please accept our deepest condolences on the passing of Rokiah. She wil be missed by all those whom she has touched. George & Belinda (Kota Kinabalu)
Our deepest condolence to you and family on the demise of your dear wife Kiky.Gone but not forgetten. Semoga rohnya dicucuri rahmat dan ditempatkan bersama-sama orang yang beriman. Letifah Hj Fathi (WMU Alumni) (Kucing Sarawak)
My deepest sympathies and hearfelt condolences to you on the demise of your beloved wife. Danny Lim Toh (Sabah)
Azam. Salam takziah. Semoga roh Kiky dicucuri rahmat dan ditempatkan bersama-sama orang yang beriman. And may you face this challenge with strength and courage. Lina Atan (WMU Alumni)
En Azam. Takziah dan bersabarlah. Sesungguhnya Allah itu maha mengetahui. Semoga roh nya dicucuri rahmat. Shukri Omar ( PC KD - Proton)
Our deepest sympathies and hearfelt condolences for the bereavement of your dearest wife. May her soul rest in peace. Richard and Mag (Kota Kinabalu)
Assalamualaikum and my deepest condolence to you and familyon Cu's sudden demise. My apology for not being able to come back to KL to visit. Khairy and family (nephew - Kuala Terengganu)
Our condolence. She is my good friend and help me a lot. Al Fatihah. Lt. Kol Kenali (ex-army colleague - Johor Bahru)
Salam. Al Fatihah. En Azam. Takziah dari Kak Tim and family. Redhakan pemergiannya. Allah menyayanginya. Mejar (B) Fatimah. (ex-army colleague)
There is nothing for anyone to pay back. Else we need accountants to keep debts of love etc. Love was always unconditional as Keng Seng received from many too. Ky gave unconditionally even when she was scared. Our spirits met last Saturday and yesterday. She is lovely and so are you. Take time to love yourself and kids. That is so important now. Li Choo (one of Ky's close friend who had been keeping in touch with her)
The above are amongst the messages I received during and after Ky's passing. I couldn't help but tears flow when I read these messages from everywhere. I stood back and thought that these people who have send me condolence messages are people who care for us. These are the people whose lives have would have been touched by Ky in one way or another. If not, I don't think that they would think of us or even if they knew of Ky's passing, they wouldn't care anyway. I guess my wife, Ky had touched many people's lives.
Monday, January 14, 2008
Al Fatihah - Rokiah Mohamed (Kiky) 26.10.1960 ~ 5.1.2008
I don't know where to start. I have not been updating this block since my last posting on 28 Dec 2007. Since that day, her health had been deteriorating fast. She hardly have any appetite to eat. Makan bubur nasi pun dua tiga sudu, lepas tu tak lalu lagi. Toasted bread pun tak lalu makan. Dr. Felicia from Hospis told me that due to the enlarged liver, it had compressed the stomach, thus she always felt that her tummy is full.
She was always in pain at the abdominal area - stomach pain, back pain day and night - kesian tengok dia. She hardly have good rested sleep at night and always woke up in the middle of the night to take some pain killer. She was already taking morphine as pain killer - in tablet form or liquid. And lately before she passed away, we have to inject it under the skin for her to relief from pain.
Friday 28 December 2007 :
I called Faizah of Hospis Malaysia if we could borrow their bed so that Kiky can lie on that bed. Earlier I told Ayu ( a very close friend of us who had taken care of her ailing mother and took care of another close - both died of cancer) about me buying a single bed for Ky but she suggested to get it from Hospis. After Hospis can lend the reclinable hospital bed and it is easy Ky to sleep and and easy for us to take care of her.
Wednesday 2 January 2008:
Dr. Felicia and Reg, Nurse Faizah came to check on Ky.We have called her earlier because Ky have been complaining about her pain and she wanted to do the "tapping" of fluid from her stomach.
After checking, Dr Felicia had mentioned that Ky's health had deteriorate fast. Water had already gone into her lungs - that's is why she had breathing difficulty. Dr. Felicia talked to me personally that maybe Ky's time is coming nearer. She told me to get all the family member to come and that we should be prepare for the worst to come.
As Ky could not sleep due to the pain, Dr. Felicia prescribed a sleeping pill, only taken when necessary.
Thursday 3 January 2008 :
We have been taking turn to take care of Ky at night just in case.... We took turn to read Yassin and Al Quran - so that she can hear all the good things. Ida (Ky's very close friend and an Ustazah) said that we can turn on the Quran CD if there is no one who are able to read it at night. I was so sleepy that night and I slept beside her, while taking care of her at the same time.
At 3.00 am, Ky woke me up and said that she was in pain (although we had give her liquid morphine and hour before). I asked her whether she want to take the sleeping pill. When she agreed, I gave her one table so that she can rest.
Till 11.00 am she didn't even wake up and that panicked me. Called Faizah about it and she told me to wait for another couple of hours. After 13 hours, Ky woke up but hardly can speak. We spooned her with Air Yassin and Air Zamzam. She was already weak because she did not take solid food by now except some fruit juices that she sip using straw.
As she woke up, we asked whether she could do Maghrib prayers. Alhamdullilah she could, in her own way. Kalau dah darurat dan sakit, sembahyang baring pun takpe - that's is what Ida told us.
After Maghrib, Ky requested that she moved back to over upstairs bedroom. I told her if she could move slowly, I could carried her upstairs. Alhamdulillah, with her strength, we got her upstairs.
Friday 4 January 2008 :
Ky could hardly wakes up. She would fell asleep probably due to the morphine she is taking. By now, Faizah (nurse) had inserted a tubing under her skin so that we can regularly inject morphine for Ky.
Since the last one week, people come from near and afar, came visiting Ky - day and night. Yassin and Al Quran were read regularly without stop. I also asked my children to read Yassin and Al Quran near her mom so that she could hear them reading. Along, Angah and me had non-stop taking turn to say prayers, shahadah to her ears. That's is what we should do to people who are dying - it's this time that satan is also trying to pull her to the other side.
Saturday 5 January 2008:
3.00 am. Everyone was sounds asleep. I took turn to take care of my beloved wife. I know she is in pain and had been on bed for almost 1 week now. Her back is a bit sore and sweaty. I don't know if I could say it a miracle. Between Ky and me, she now could turn herself one one side on her own. I could then fan her back for some air and rub her back slowly. Usually a couple of us slowly turn her on one side. She did twice. She hugged me while I was sitting next to her.
and I whispered to her ear and told her "Kalau I ada rezeki nanti, I akan pergi Hajibuatkan Haji untuk you sekali" and she nodded as sign of approval. Ky had always wanted to go for Haj but due to financial and health reason, we can't do it this year. Now I promise buat Haji untuk dia Insyaallah.
When she felt asleep, I let her rest till Subuh prayers - then I myself get some rest.
Visitors kept coming in as early as 8.00am.
At about 10.00am, my sister-in-law called me as Ky had called for me. I went up. Ky mumbled some word that I could barely hear. "Balik"....."balik". Being an ignorant soul, I told her we are already at home. Nak balik mana lagi? An hour later again she said.. "nak balik". I told her that she is not in the hospital but at home. At one time she mentioned, "mengapa balik lambat sangat?" Little that I know that she meant that it's time for her to go.
She also said "Khatam". So my boys and Ky's siblings by now read satu Juz Quran seorang so that they will Khatam the Quran. Again little that we know, her time has come. Masyaallah.
At about 3.00 pm,its was time for her Morphine to be injected but some how I felt that her time is coming and I refuse to let Ayu to inject the morphine.
Dr. Pang, one of her our friend came to visit as she has heard about Ky's condition getting worse. After looking at Ky, she pulled us aside and told us that it's rare that she sees someone who is gasping for air like Ky, for more than 2 days. She asked me what had kept her holding .. I don't know!
At about 3.45pm,Ky tried to pull out the oxygen tube from her nose. I told her if she wants it removed. She nodded. And I got the oxygen tube out.
Fathiah was telling me who else didn't come or couldn't come to see Ky. I told her that only my wheelchair-bound bedridden mom have not come to see Ky, of course due obvious reason. But I already to my sister to tell my mom to lafazkan ampun dan maaf untuk Ky. And she already did that. So after some thought and dengan kuasa Allah, I called my sister and told her to get the phone to my mom and on my side I put my HP on Ky's ear and on loudspeaker mode so that both can hear each other. I coach my mom to say and she did said what Ky neede to hear. "Ky mak ampun kan dosa Ky dan mak halalkan makan minum Ky. Mak pun minta maaf pada Ky." I guess that is what Ky wanted to hear.
About 4.00pm, Ky is already gasping for air. Me and my children were already beside her saying Shahadah and ALLAH, ALLAH, ALLAH. And Ky mumble Allah too. After 3 times gasping for breath ........... she went peacefully. She passed away at 4.05 pm.
I couldn't contained myself. Everybody was crying but I have to brave myself. My children are all that I care for now. I'm afraid if they can't take it. Alhamdulillah, till now they are ok. I have prepared them to expect the worst. After 4 years and 7 months of looking at their mom, I told them we have to redha for her to go. She had seen their mom suffer the pain of cancer and that now their mom had been relief of the pain.
Her body was cleaned and she was changed. Her jenazah was carried downstair so that everyone can ziarah her for the last time.
By 6.00 pm, kereta jenazah had arrive to take her body for cleansing and kafankan at the surau. Reaching surau, the ladies took charge and mandikan jenazah.
By 7.05 pm, jenazah dah dimandikan and dikafan kan - just in time for Maghrib. After solat Maghrib, sembahyang jenazah di lakukan. It was raining outside, but alhamdullillah when the jenazah was on the way to kubur, the rain stop.
By azan Isyak, the burial was almost completed. It was such a fast and smooth ceremony as we had planned. Alhamdulillah, everythig went well. Some people said that itu rezeki arwah .. semua berjalan lancar dan cepat dan tiada halangan.
Slightly after 9.00 pm, I went home and there still many people came to our house. Some not not knowing that the jenazah dah dikebumikan. We didn't do any tahlil that night as arwah did mentioned to me that she don't want any talkin or tahlil for her. We did baca Yassin for her every following days for one week - between family members of both sides, neighbours and jemaah surau, my close friends and many more.
Only after mid-note most of them had left except for my family members, who slept at my house - dia orang dah berkampung kat rumah I.
Mimi and Acik slept with me as they have always been. I can still imagine Ky sleeping on the bed and me taking care of her, her smell was still in the air, I can stil felt as if she is presence in the room. I never felt scared or anything - I felt more of missing her. Alhamdulillah I can still be myself eventhough she has left us forever - probably because I had redha her leaving us and she herself had redha leaving us as well to be with Allah. Allahualam.
I write more of her later. Meanwhile sedekahkan lah Al Fatihah for Arwah Rokiah Mohamed. Wassalam
She was always in pain at the abdominal area - stomach pain, back pain day and night - kesian tengok dia. She hardly have good rested sleep at night and always woke up in the middle of the night to take some pain killer. She was already taking morphine as pain killer - in tablet form or liquid. And lately before she passed away, we have to inject it under the skin for her to relief from pain.
Friday 28 December 2007 :
I called Faizah of Hospis Malaysia if we could borrow their bed so that Kiky can lie on that bed. Earlier I told Ayu ( a very close friend of us who had taken care of her ailing mother and took care of another close - both died of cancer) about me buying a single bed for Ky but she suggested to get it from Hospis. After Hospis can lend the reclinable hospital bed and it is easy Ky to sleep and and easy for us to take care of her.
Wednesday 2 January 2008:
Dr. Felicia and Reg, Nurse Faizah came to check on Ky.We have called her earlier because Ky have been complaining about her pain and she wanted to do the "tapping" of fluid from her stomach.
After checking, Dr Felicia had mentioned that Ky's health had deteriorate fast. Water had already gone into her lungs - that's is why she had breathing difficulty. Dr. Felicia talked to me personally that maybe Ky's time is coming nearer. She told me to get all the family member to come and that we should be prepare for the worst to come.
As Ky could not sleep due to the pain, Dr. Felicia prescribed a sleeping pill, only taken when necessary.
Thursday 3 January 2008 :
We have been taking turn to take care of Ky at night just in case.... We took turn to read Yassin and Al Quran - so that she can hear all the good things. Ida (Ky's very close friend and an Ustazah) said that we can turn on the Quran CD if there is no one who are able to read it at night. I was so sleepy that night and I slept beside her, while taking care of her at the same time.
At 3.00 am, Ky woke me up and said that she was in pain (although we had give her liquid morphine and hour before). I asked her whether she want to take the sleeping pill. When she agreed, I gave her one table so that she can rest.
Till 11.00 am she didn't even wake up and that panicked me. Called Faizah about it and she told me to wait for another couple of hours. After 13 hours, Ky woke up but hardly can speak. We spooned her with Air Yassin and Air Zamzam. She was already weak because she did not take solid food by now except some fruit juices that she sip using straw.
As she woke up, we asked whether she could do Maghrib prayers. Alhamdullilah she could, in her own way. Kalau dah darurat dan sakit, sembahyang baring pun takpe - that's is what Ida told us.
After Maghrib, Ky requested that she moved back to over upstairs bedroom. I told her if she could move slowly, I could carried her upstairs. Alhamdulillah, with her strength, we got her upstairs.
Friday 4 January 2008 :
Ky could hardly wakes up. She would fell asleep probably due to the morphine she is taking. By now, Faizah (nurse) had inserted a tubing under her skin so that we can regularly inject morphine for Ky.
Since the last one week, people come from near and afar, came visiting Ky - day and night. Yassin and Al Quran were read regularly without stop. I also asked my children to read Yassin and Al Quran near her mom so that she could hear them reading. Along, Angah and me had non-stop taking turn to say prayers, shahadah to her ears. That's is what we should do to people who are dying - it's this time that satan is also trying to pull her to the other side.
Saturday 5 January 2008:
3.00 am. Everyone was sounds asleep. I took turn to take care of my beloved wife. I know she is in pain and had been on bed for almost 1 week now. Her back is a bit sore and sweaty. I don't know if I could say it a miracle. Between Ky and me, she now could turn herself one one side on her own. I could then fan her back for some air and rub her back slowly. Usually a couple of us slowly turn her on one side. She did twice. She hugged me while I was sitting next to her.
and I whispered to her ear and told her "Kalau I ada rezeki nanti, I akan pergi Hajibuatkan Haji untuk you sekali" and she nodded as sign of approval. Ky had always wanted to go for Haj but due to financial and health reason, we can't do it this year. Now I promise buat Haji untuk dia Insyaallah.
When she felt asleep, I let her rest till Subuh prayers - then I myself get some rest.
Visitors kept coming in as early as 8.00am.
At about 10.00am, my sister-in-law called me as Ky had called for me. I went up. Ky mumbled some word that I could barely hear. "Balik"....."balik". Being an ignorant soul, I told her we are already at home. Nak balik mana lagi? An hour later again she said.. "nak balik". I told her that she is not in the hospital but at home. At one time she mentioned, "mengapa balik lambat sangat?" Little that I know that she meant that it's time for her to go.
She also said "Khatam". So my boys and Ky's siblings by now read satu Juz Quran seorang so that they will Khatam the Quran. Again little that we know, her time has come. Masyaallah.
At about 3.00 pm,its was time for her Morphine to be injected but some how I felt that her time is coming and I refuse to let Ayu to inject the morphine.
Dr. Pang, one of her our friend came to visit as she has heard about Ky's condition getting worse. After looking at Ky, she pulled us aside and told us that it's rare that she sees someone who is gasping for air like Ky, for more than 2 days. She asked me what had kept her holding .. I don't know!
At about 3.45pm,Ky tried to pull out the oxygen tube from her nose. I told her if she wants it removed. She nodded. And I got the oxygen tube out.
Fathiah was telling me who else didn't come or couldn't come to see Ky. I told her that only my wheelchair-bound bedridden mom have not come to see Ky, of course due obvious reason. But I already to my sister to tell my mom to lafazkan ampun dan maaf untuk Ky. And she already did that. So after some thought and dengan kuasa Allah, I called my sister and told her to get the phone to my mom and on my side I put my HP on Ky's ear and on loudspeaker mode so that both can hear each other. I coach my mom to say and she did said what Ky neede to hear. "Ky mak ampun kan dosa Ky dan mak halalkan makan minum Ky. Mak pun minta maaf pada Ky." I guess that is what Ky wanted to hear.
About 4.00pm, Ky is already gasping for air. Me and my children were already beside her saying Shahadah and ALLAH, ALLAH, ALLAH. And Ky mumble Allah too. After 3 times gasping for breath ........... she went peacefully. She passed away at 4.05 pm.
I couldn't contained myself. Everybody was crying but I have to brave myself. My children are all that I care for now. I'm afraid if they can't take it. Alhamdulillah, till now they are ok. I have prepared them to expect the worst. After 4 years and 7 months of looking at their mom, I told them we have to redha for her to go. She had seen their mom suffer the pain of cancer and that now their mom had been relief of the pain.
Her body was cleaned and she was changed. Her jenazah was carried downstair so that everyone can ziarah her for the last time.
By 6.00 pm, kereta jenazah had arrive to take her body for cleansing and kafankan at the surau. Reaching surau, the ladies took charge and mandikan jenazah.
By 7.05 pm, jenazah dah dimandikan and dikafan kan - just in time for Maghrib. After solat Maghrib, sembahyang jenazah di lakukan. It was raining outside, but alhamdullillah when the jenazah was on the way to kubur, the rain stop.
By azan Isyak, the burial was almost completed. It was such a fast and smooth ceremony as we had planned. Alhamdulillah, everythig went well. Some people said that itu rezeki arwah .. semua berjalan lancar dan cepat dan tiada halangan.
Slightly after 9.00 pm, I went home and there still many people came to our house. Some not not knowing that the jenazah dah dikebumikan. We didn't do any tahlil that night as arwah did mentioned to me that she don't want any talkin or tahlil for her. We did baca Yassin for her every following days for one week - between family members of both sides, neighbours and jemaah surau, my close friends and many more.
Only after mid-note most of them had left except for my family members, who slept at my house - dia orang dah berkampung kat rumah I.
Mimi and Acik slept with me as they have always been. I can still imagine Ky sleeping on the bed and me taking care of her, her smell was still in the air, I can stil felt as if she is presence in the room. I never felt scared or anything - I felt more of missing her. Alhamdulillah I can still be myself eventhough she has left us forever - probably because I had redha her leaving us and she herself had redha leaving us as well to be with Allah. Allahualam.
I write more of her later. Meanwhile sedekahkan lah Al Fatihah for Arwah Rokiah Mohamed. Wassalam
Friday, December 28, 2007
Ky's Condition
I haven't been blogging for quite sometimes now. It's just that I don't have the mood to blog or the events in my life lately didn't warrant me to write.
Lately many people have been asking me about my wife, Ky's health condition. In fact last night (in the middle of the night when I was sleeping), a close friend of us, Dr. Nina called from Mekah asking about Ky's condition.
I felt heavy heart to tell you about Ky's condition. I usually want to write about good things happening in my life. But somehow or rather, this is not going to the usual goodies-goodies events but life threatening event.
Ky's condition have been going from bad to worst. As some of you might have known, she had breast cancer since May 2003. You figure out how long she had bee suffering from it. The notorious cancer cell had spread to her liver now. I'm not a doctor but from what I heard, once the liver malfunction, the rest of your body system will go haywire. That's what had happened to her.
Pass years had seen red spots all over her body. This will itchy effect on her body. It usually happened at night. I was told that its because of the skin reacted to the toxic in the body - when the liver can't process the body toxic.
But this is not the case now. Due to the deterioration and malfunction of liver, it now cannot process the body fluid. Thus there's water retention in the body. This resulted her legs and sometimes arm became swollen. Now her stomach became as big as 6 months pregnant. She had done "tapping" 5 times now and each time about 2 litres of fluid drained out in less than half-hour from her body.
With enlarged liver and water retention, it compressed other internal organs including her lungs - which means that she had difficulties in breathing. Not only that her body will experience further pain.
With the compressed stomach, she hardly can eat without much appetite. Even taking 2 spoonful of porridge or rice is a big challenge for her. Her weight now fell below the normal weight - I guess by 25%.
We had done our part. Beside going to see Oncologist (Cancer Specialist), she also went to see other alternatives medical practitioner which include Islamic medicine. She even went to see Datuk Harun Din (twice already) and she was given some "water" and some other herbals things to use.
Apart from that she had seen Dr. Anida also using Islamic way of treatments. Recently she had to soak in water filled "mountain salt' (garam bukit). But until recently when she can't sit in the tub, she can only rub the water onto her body.
Last night she told me that she felt that her body is weakening. Had for me to say but she felt that her time is coming nearer. Her concentration in prayers was also affected. She don't want to go into hospital again but want to rest at home. She told this to me when we were alone in the room - talking heart to heart.
So what do I feel about the whole thing. To tell you the truth, I had mixed feeling about this. I know one day her time will come especially when her condition is not getting better. I had seen her ups and downs when she suffer this for nearly 5 years. To me Allah had been kind enough to let us spent nearly 5 more years with her.
Meanwhile I told my children to spend every other minutes with her while they can. I know it hard to express in writing but as they say "Berat matamemandang, berat lagi bahu memikul" which is really true. I'm glad that siblings from both sides of family and close caring friends gave their utmost support to us. Now we rest this the utmost gracious and merciful Allah for him giving us strength for Ky and us to endure and get over his obstacles - for us to realise how small we are.
I will write from time to time if time permit to update you faithfull readers on Ky's condition.
Lately many people have been asking me about my wife, Ky's health condition. In fact last night (in the middle of the night when I was sleeping), a close friend of us, Dr. Nina called from Mekah asking about Ky's condition.
I felt heavy heart to tell you about Ky's condition. I usually want to write about good things happening in my life. But somehow or rather, this is not going to the usual goodies-goodies events but life threatening event.
Ky's condition have been going from bad to worst. As some of you might have known, she had breast cancer since May 2003. You figure out how long she had bee suffering from it. The notorious cancer cell had spread to her liver now. I'm not a doctor but from what I heard, once the liver malfunction, the rest of your body system will go haywire. That's what had happened to her.
Pass years had seen red spots all over her body. This will itchy effect on her body. It usually happened at night. I was told that its because of the skin reacted to the toxic in the body - when the liver can't process the body toxic.
But this is not the case now. Due to the deterioration and malfunction of liver, it now cannot process the body fluid. Thus there's water retention in the body. This resulted her legs and sometimes arm became swollen. Now her stomach became as big as 6 months pregnant. She had done "tapping" 5 times now and each time about 2 litres of fluid drained out in less than half-hour from her body.
With enlarged liver and water retention, it compressed other internal organs including her lungs - which means that she had difficulties in breathing. Not only that her body will experience further pain.
With the compressed stomach, she hardly can eat without much appetite. Even taking 2 spoonful of porridge or rice is a big challenge for her. Her weight now fell below the normal weight - I guess by 25%.
We had done our part. Beside going to see Oncologist (Cancer Specialist), she also went to see other alternatives medical practitioner which include Islamic medicine. She even went to see Datuk Harun Din (twice already) and she was given some "water" and some other herbals things to use.
Apart from that she had seen Dr. Anida also using Islamic way of treatments. Recently she had to soak in water filled "mountain salt' (garam bukit). But until recently when she can't sit in the tub, she can only rub the water onto her body.
Last night she told me that she felt that her body is weakening. Had for me to say but she felt that her time is coming nearer. Her concentration in prayers was also affected. She don't want to go into hospital again but want to rest at home. She told this to me when we were alone in the room - talking heart to heart.
So what do I feel about the whole thing. To tell you the truth, I had mixed feeling about this. I know one day her time will come especially when her condition is not getting better. I had seen her ups and downs when she suffer this for nearly 5 years. To me Allah had been kind enough to let us spent nearly 5 more years with her.
Meanwhile I told my children to spend every other minutes with her while they can. I know it hard to express in writing but as they say "Berat matamemandang, berat lagi bahu memikul" which is really true. I'm glad that siblings from both sides of family and close caring friends gave their utmost support to us. Now we rest this the utmost gracious and merciful Allah for him giving us strength for Ky and us to endure and get over his obstacles - for us to realise how small we are.
I will write from time to time if time permit to update you faithfull readers on Ky's condition.
Tuesday, December 4, 2007
Lost of a love one
One of our dearest friend, Petulia sent me a sms about 12.36 am, which I only open it up in the next morning. She told me that her dog, Bucky passed on after 2 days of being ill. She and her family just came back from Macau for a break after 3 years of no holidays.
So early in the morning I replied her sms giving my heartfelt condolence as she is grieving for her loss of a love one.
I didn't know how much Petulia & Peter love the dog. To me it was just another pet that I used to see once awhile when I was at their home. But it was more than that. She considered Bucky, as her baby daughter. Both Peter & Petulia didn't have any baby since they got married 10 years ago. And having Bucky would probably been a blessing to them. They gave Bucky love as if Bucky is their child.
And now with Bucky gone, Petulia was petrified and felt miserable. Probably we don't understand how she felt with this loss.
Petulia wrote an email to people close to her including us telling us how much she "felt loss" of Bucky. This what she wrote.
To Petulia, my heartfelt condolence. I know we don't feel the loss as much as she felt, but we do know how it felt to loose someone that we loved so much.
So early in the morning I replied her sms giving my heartfelt condolence as she is grieving for her loss of a love one.
I didn't know how much Petulia & Peter love the dog. To me it was just another pet that I used to see once awhile when I was at their home. But it was more than that. She considered Bucky, as her baby daughter. Both Peter & Petulia didn't have any baby since they got married 10 years ago. And having Bucky would probably been a blessing to them. They gave Bucky love as if Bucky is their child.
And now with Bucky gone, Petulia was petrified and felt miserable. Probably we don't understand how she felt with this loss.
Petulia wrote an email to people close to her including us telling us how much she "felt loss" of Bucky. This what she wrote.
"Whether you believe it or not…I believe that she was so close to us that she can sense everything that happens around her…she was closest to Peter and I as she saw us grow in our relationship, get married and went thru everything with us for ten years!
We truly miss her so much…we feel like our hearts are broken and we lost our child."
I felt bad about it too. I didn't know how much she felt the loss until I read her email. For someone who were not blessed with a child, probably were blessed to have the love from a dog like Bucky.To Petulia, my heartfelt condolence. I know we don't feel the loss as much as she felt, but we do know how it felt to loose someone that we loved so much.
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