Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Teringat Sayang diMalam yang Syahdu

Malam ni tiba-tiba teringat pada yang tersayang yang telah pergi dahulu menemui Allah lebih 2 minggu yang lalu. Tiba-tiba malam ni terasa rindu teramat sangat pada sayang yang telah bersama sejak 23 tahun yang lalu tapi pada malam ni hanya Abang seorang sahaja mengharungi kehidupan bersama-sama anak-anak kita ini.

We have known each other way back in 1983 when we first met during winter when I first step my foot in Western Michigan University, Kalamazoo, Michigan. At this time, alone in this quiet night bring back sweet memories especially during the good old days when we were courting each other. Probably people would say it "LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT". Probably it's true for her when she first saw me as a junior in college while she was already a senior there - in a hall full of Malaysian students - during the PERMAU game (Sukan Persatuan Pelajar Malaysia Amerika Utara). From thereon, and after 5 years of courting and 3 times of breaking off (there's a secret to it hahaha...) we got married in 1989.

Lots of pain and laughters were shared together. We have our ups and downs. We have our loves and hatred. We have our dreams that we were chasing together. We shared lots of things we did together and lots of things we did separately. We solved many difficulties together and also messed up things together. But love each and everyone of it. We were practically in love with each other either we say it or in silence. It is now history. Now I am alone with my kids. And now she is probably somewhere in garden of heaven looking at me blogging in the middle of the night trying to console myself after losing her. Tapi Allah Maha Berkuasa. He knows what is the best for her.

I redha pemergian nya menemui Illahi. She once said something like this to me "Allah tak akan beri dugaan kepada Hamba nya yang tak mampu menghadapi nya. Hanya orang-orang yang terpilih sahaja mampu menghadapi dugaan Allah". I guess it is very true for that matter. She was the chosen one. My sayang menghadapi nya dengan penuh tabah without lots of complaints. She always thinks of Allah all the time.

Alhamdullilah she was prepared for it. Allah had given her 4 years 7 months to be prepared before she was taken to Him. She was more religious than before. During the last Ramadan month, she never failed to performed Terawih at Surau nearby our home. She did sembahyang Tajud and taubah almost every night . She Khatam the Quran. To think of it, I believe that she had felt that her time is coming she did all the preparation as much as she can.

In fact 2 weeks before her passing, Ky told me "Bang, I feel that my body is weakening. I feel that my time is coming." I was in between astounded and sad. But that was a statement she had given me a few times already. I didn't know exactly what to say but I braved myself. "Yang, kalau if it's your time to go, I redhakan you pergi. Tapi you kena redhakan diri you pergi jugak." I know it's difficult to say but I have to say it anyway with tears rolling in my eyes. Believe me, it was the saddest things I had to say to her. Especially to someone that you really love and someone who had spend the rest of her life with you and now you know that she will be leaving you in no times. Only Allah knows how I felt that time.

Her passing was so easy and without much difficulties. To think of it, dia tak banyak menyusahkan her family and me. Unlike some people who were sick for months and even years. Hers was only about 2 weeks with one week she was practically bedridden.

I am also thankful to Allah for letting me taking care of her during her last days in this world. I don't feel regret as I believe I had done my duty as a husband taking care of her especially when she can't take care of herself.

Tonight I felt that she is somewhere near me - probably I already missed her. I love you sayang.

This song is specially dedicated to my Sayang whom I know loves me so much as I love her.

This is the last picture taken as a family at Gua Tempurung, Perak.
Acik was not in the picture because he was taking our pic.

This is the last pic we took together as a loving couple at
Lost World of Tambun, Ipoh about a month before her passing.

I will cherish her in my memory as long as I live.
This picture will never be the same ever again.

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